Sunday, May 31, 2009 . 7:31 PM

to whoever's reading this, just felt like posting now because i feel i've hit rock bottom, the lowest, deepest most shitlike point in my entire life. so maybe you think its not that big a deal and that what i'm experiencing is nothing, i mean there're multitudes out there far worse than myself, and i would like to say, i can understand what you're trying to put across to me. so yeah, i'm trying to start from scratch as my foundations in about every subject now is crumbling to bits, falling apart, a little like i am. i'm sort of having an emotional breakdown when i should be extremely happy, i dont know why this is happening though honestly. so my dad just gave me a motivational speech on what miss pan and mr tuang said to him on saturday when he went to meet up with them, and it sure did help me a lot. funny how i look back and see those times where my dad use to scream at me and punish me, and how its all so different now. funny how when i look back at the immature jerk and asshole i was back in elementary school, and now experiencing a reversal of roles, dont get me wrong though i know i deserve it badly, and even worst than this. funny how i think i've changed throughout these events that have helped shaped my life, into the junkyard it is now. funny how everything seems to be crashing down upon you when it all seemed to be going so well. i'm sorry i didnt text you ***** i didnt want to disturb you while you were busy studying. but i guess its all part of this long journey of life, where we all have to go through obstacles and fall eh. dont mind if its all in bits and pieces and i'm not making any sense, i'm just writing what comes to my head, and its way too much to post. my stomach hurts terribly every now and then, and the diarrohea or however you spell it, is literally killing me. if this happens tomorrow during o's i swear i'll just tear the fucking paper up in pieces and burn it, and maybe throw a concert in the examination hall to ease everyone's stress. everyone needs proof these days, faith is sure hard to come by. so i wonder now, where will i be at the end of this year, a school dropout, private candidate, retainee, graduating, an exile. what in the world, i sound like an emotional retarded loser, maybe because i am one.
farewell people and best of luck for tomorrow's paper.

not my will but yours be done lord, god help me get through this.
my life's a mess, my mind confused, my emotions screwed, my memories haunted, my future dim, the path ahead cold, this journey lonely, this individual lost.

help me for the light at the end of this tunnel, seems to fade with every step, for these eyelids feel so heavy, for this moment feels so lonely, for there's no one left to turn to, so i'm turning back to you. and help me lord, because this time, everything just wont let go.

sheperd dont let go, guide this sheep, guide this wanderer home.