Wednesday, May 27, 2009 . 7:54 AM

morning comes around and i express relief
for this mental torture momentarily stops
light emanates this room, though still my vision's blurred
like a mundane routine, i wipe away the floods between the distance in my eyes
those moments like a slideshow, flip throughout my head
this bleeding heart cries out for you, my efforts to silence it, in vain.
there's just something about this, there's no mistake at all
my soul's recognition of its counterpart in you resounds through this body
though how could i ever stand up to him whom you so truly love
all that my eyes capture, those moments ceaselessly replaying themselevs
guess i'm but misery's favourite companion, with rejection acting as my wingman
i wave confidence and courage farewell as they go out the door
i try to read, but blank pages are all i see
you're in everyone i see, though i know you dont see me
i walk the streets at dusk, there're people everywhere, smiles and laughter all around
my heart stings everytime i fake a smile to blend in, just to see you happy

i was willing to lay down everything for you
i was willing to make the ultimate sacrifice
i wanted to give you the love i never had
i only ever needed you, no strings attached
and all i asked in return was that you love me too
but here i am back at crossroads once again, with this barely beating heart still calling out to you, though it knows you wont ever know.

hello blogger, hello people, guess i decided to return to blogging cause i desperately needed to express myself and my bottled up feelings. well i'm broken, torn, stripped of everything i ever loved, hurt, going insane and i dont know, you know the rest. guess i need to see uncle kelvin for some counselling or anymore of this kerosene and i'll ignite and explode like a tiny lightbulb. trying to study though nothing's really getting into my head, watching television programmes though all i see is a black screen staring back at me. at least blogger's not turning me away, or is it. so yeah i've failed all my subjects with only one pass in chinese at 58/100 a ridiculous grade. things are so messed up i dont know where to start because i'm so bloody weak in my foundations in every subject that i dont even feel like starting. i wonder if a human being can get anymore stupid than this. whatever, hope the rest of you are doing alright. so everything's throwing a fit at me, going berserk on me. air conditioners decided to take a break from work, and the older than myself black box of entertainment's probably already five and a half feet under. this little gadget i'm staring at now's probably dying of exhaustion or lack of stamina. so i'm just sitting aimlessly on this about to break apart chair in a ridiculous costume i call my sleepwear, typing this little something just hoping to make myself feel slightly better. i'm not going to talk about what happened, because you dont need to know about it. so i've got mother tongue block periods since last thursday, until this friday, and thankfully my dad allowed me a break or i'd probably explode and die like an overblown balloon, if i had gone to school today. so yeah i dreamt about her, surprise surprise matthew -_-, and to add on to my misery to not be able to have someone you truly desire, it was the only dream throughout the whole night ( duration : 8 hours ), i guess my mind must really hate my heart. so yeah anyway i wont say much more to bore you guys, but yeah best of luck to all those taking o's along with myself this year and take care people.

i dont believe one bit in this thing called fate, we decide our own fates and if by some miracle we ever get together again, i swear an oath to heaven earth and all its people, i will never ever let you go, ever. i dont know why i still hope, guess i'm probably just a fool with a fool's hope.

it hurts and stings and pains and blows and whatever else word you can think of, to have to take so many hits of rejection and when you're certain absolutely that you've finally found true love, to get rejected once again. guess i'm just going to go back to bed, i'm not functioning properly.